Rules to be a Man

1 Don't call, ever.

2 If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her
figure it out by herself.

3 Lie.

4 Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and
unoriginal, such as "spike"

5 If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you
mailed it to them.

6 Here's a good pickup line, "My girlfiend's pregnant, will you go out
with me?

7 Drink Vernors.

8 Play with yourself. Talk about it.

9 Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don't want to answer, a nice
grunt will do.

10 Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn't
your fault.

11 Lie.

12 Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.

13 Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help- don't ask.
People will think you have no penis.

14 Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.

15 Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you 16 If you don't like a girl, but can't think of a good enough reason
why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, "I don't know. I
just don't like her personality."

17 If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only
monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.

18 TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.

19 Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name with

20 One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best
friend. She will then see what she's missing and love you for not giving up on

21 Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule #1.

22 Say things like "Wha...?"

23 Don't wear matching clothes. People will think your girlfriend
picked it out, and it will cramp your style on picking up chicks.

24 Lie.

25 Deny everthing. Everything.

26 Good break up line, "It's not you, it's me."

27 If you like a girl, tell all your female friends about her.
Because if any of your female friends like you, they'll really want to know.

28 Don't have a clue.

29 If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.

30 No means yes.

31 Yes means no.

32 If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel.
Enforce this rule at all times.

33 If anyone asks, you have had sex in all possible positions and
locations. Improvise.

34 Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex often
signifies the end of a relationship.

35 Feelings? What feelings?