farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham,
bacon, etc.... After several weeks, he notices that none of the
pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells
the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer
doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to
display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the
pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing
around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to
the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to
impregnate the pigs. So, he loads the pigs into his truck,
drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings
them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that
they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try
didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and
goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing
around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load
them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day
shagging the pigs and, upon returning home, falls listlessly
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed
to look at the pigs. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the
pigs are laying in the mud. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck
and one of them's honking the horn."