The Irish Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently
been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under
the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become
pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request
the service of a proxy father-- a government employee who attempts
to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is
due to arrive at any time. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm
off. The government man should be here soon."

Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the
doorbell...

Mrs. Smith: "Good morning."

Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come
to..."

Mrs. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you."

Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of babies,
especially twins."

Mrs. Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in and have a seat."

Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

Mrs. Smith: "Please don't concern yourself. My husband and I both
agree this is the right thing to do."

Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it."

Mrs. Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

Salesman: "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread
out."

Mrs. Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't
worked for Harry and I."

Salesman: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my
business card says, 'I aim to please.'"

Mrs. Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and
take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but
you'd be disappointed with that."

Mrs. Smith: "Don't I know it! Have you had much success at this?"

Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just bus in downtown Dublin."

Mrs. Smith: "Oh, my!!"

Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. mother was so difficult to work with."

Mrs. Smith: "She was?"

Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to
Hyde Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under such
impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five Mrs. Smith: "Four and five deep?"

Salesman: "Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got
so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at
the crowd. I couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask a
couple of men to restrain her. By that time, darkness was
approaching and I began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began
nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith: "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh..,
equipment?"

Salesman: "That's right, but it's all in a day's work. I consider
my work a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented
technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window
of a big department store."

Mrs. Smith: "I just can't believe it."

Salesman: "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."

Mrs. Smith: "TRIPOD?!?"

Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on.
It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm
shooting. Mrs. Smith?...Mrs. Smith?...My word, she's fainted!"